Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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