I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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