I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
