Pregnant stripper...not hot.
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Don't EVER smell your tampon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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