I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
