.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
