I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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