I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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