She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
