I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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