question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
