I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
