we have pet lesbian snakes
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
