she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he fucked my hip out of place.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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