Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pappa wants mamma naked
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
