dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
