i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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