a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
