It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
