My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
