I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
