We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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