i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
