Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
