We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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