From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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