this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
