We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
