So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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