I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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