Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
