You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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