A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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