I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
