Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
