i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
