walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
