He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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