and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
