She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize