I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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