It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
