so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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