You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
