I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
