Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
