I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We're too hungover to prance.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
