You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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