it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You've changed since you got that strap on
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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