can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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