During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
