It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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