I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
