That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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