Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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