My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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