Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
