i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
