Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
