i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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